We have to think about what we are thinking about.
One of the courses I took while a student at UCT many years back, emphasized the power of feedback loops. I cant remember which course it was, but the suggestion was that you can only improve a process if there is some mechanism to alert you to a fault.
And that detection allows you then to make the necessary adjustment. I think this is true for everything about our lives. In personal, business or every area of our relationships.
But the detection mechanism needs to be objective, and unbiased and balanced to the intention and intent of improvement. And you as the receiver of the feedback must then be able and willing to receive the feedback, however it may sound. For your refinement.
And its also what is called constructive criticism I suppose.
You’ll never find peace if you’re living on a steady diet of anxiety and anger. If you are angry about something, or about someone, and you dont focus on why they make you angry and what they are trying to teach you, you wont improve and become better at your relationship and how you relate with that person.
Im thinking this, from watching the movie Malcolm & Marie on Netflix the other night. It was such a wow.
A great display of a toxic relationship. And at the same time theres some perspective on how to engage in difficult conversations, in our intimate/romantic relationships.
But towards the end I was not sure if they were in a toxic relationship or if they genuinely loved each other, and were failing to communicate their needed performance improvements from and for each other.
But I think they excelled in having a confrontation of their issues and a challenging conversation about having come to taking each other for granted, after all they had been through, together. (I dont want to spoil it for you, you see).
The lesson and takeaway for me was that I need to have relationship emphasis in caring and not taking anyone for granted, and to remember to express gratitude. And choosing the words to say in moments of anger, because words land harder, and linger long after the fight.