There are some things I care not, to admit.

I have gone through a process, at the beginning of this year. Its my 40th year on this blue and green earth. And I have had some realisations.

Perhaps profound, and perhaps not. I have largely gone through this life without planning, or forethought. I have been driven by the sway of the wind, and pure aspiration, and ambition. But largely without a plan.

My education, a process that was laid down by the thinking of my mother, that I must get a better education than she, or my father got.

My career? Well, that was largely from the options that were before me, after achieving the level of education that I could. And a few meanderings between companies that saw potential, or thought I could add value to them. And a drive to make my momma proud.

Someone made an observation that from looking at my career moves, it looked like I had done good planning. I did not protest, but I knew deep down that some moves had been forced on/at me, at particular points in my life, and not because I had set long goals.

My tax bracket? Well, I got here because my country saw it fit to take from me what they could give others, to society, and the upliftment of the people, my black people, some of whom never got the same opportunities as I did, and I want them to get those opportunities, and better. But that tax deduction makes me weep. And the politics of the day drive me mad, the waste.

But there are some things I care not, to admit. And that’s that I am poor at planning. I have yet to grasp the concept of retirement planning. I have a lot of ideas, but I dont know what I will do when I get to the ripe old age of 65, if I do.

My kids deserve a grand education, perhaps a higher pedestal of educational opportunity than I received, and I dont know if I have appropriately planned for that. If what I earn is enough, and if I have the financial cushion to get them to take the clan name past the level of achievement of my generation. Because, generational improvement is key right, and thats how the wealth of nations is achieved.

So, at the beginning of this year, I wrote down some goals. Baby steps. Staring at the first 3 months of the year, in terms of what has to be achieved, and what else to drive for in the next calendar months. What to do with each payslip. What to spend on, what debts to pay down, what not to spend on, and what to plan for. And thats been liberating.

And I hope to get better at planning and executing. I have been bad at it, and it nearly collapsed my life. Because I couldnt keep track of where I was going. And I care not, in admitting that, planning creates a kind of optimism, that things will get better. I admit.