The truth about shadows. And the dark.

1:32am

Don’t worry, I am not going to go all poetic on you or speak any riddles, or speak in tongues even. I will speak from the heart.

All those things that you want to do to me. I wish you will do them when we meet up, and that they are not lost in any of the emotion of the day.

I wish that they will carry on, like that lady said on Titanic. Yeah, I watched that mess, but who didn’t? I even bought the damn Celine Dion CD, for my mom 😊

That one wish of matrimony is itself profound, because it is something that I want and also something that I feared when I was thinking that we were moving too fast.

But Im not worried now. I just hope that the emotions that we feel will not fade. It wouldnt be right to lose the eyesight that we have been given.

You have to be strong to make it out of a burning room, and just as you leave the dancefloor, dont look back, if you dont want to see me again. Its everything I remember from that scripture about Lot’s wife. It haunts me sometimes, in my nightmares.

You might have made it out with some burns and some scars perhaps in that other life, from which you returned as a soldier, but you still got your one life to live, in one piece. I understand that about you, and I realise how strong you are and that was even before I got to know you well enough to ask “how are you doing?” or “how you were?” or “how are they?”

I understood that. I don’t know how it came to be that. But apparently I have a 6th sense, a third eye and they all sometimes converge as some common sense. There is a Spiritual war happening. And I realise now that I have to embrace that as a fact, as you kept telling me. I thought you were saying that just to get me naked.

Its a Transformation and a Transformers thing.

But that will be my task for this year. Nothing complex, just to gain an understanding of self, and to make peace with my inner “demons”, the underground gang, the guides and them dudes that’s been whispering to me my whole damn life fam. Thokoza 🙏🏽

I had to deal with the other dudes though. And retract my anger. I hit reverse and I had to stop the Bells of War. But them dudes need to understand. I got some wrath in me too. But I don’t like to bring it out.

So I will pray for them peeps that tell you that you are not who you think you are or who you can become. I want to make peace with the man that I am. I want to make peace.

So your words dont fall on deaf ears you see. And I am not blind to the truth of the spirit. And the light of the dark. And the light in the dark.

I have chosen to recognise my own strengths and to celebrate them. I will also reflect on my weaknesses, to ponder over them and to empower myself to change them for the better. And like you said, the things I can’t change are for God to decide and cast His judgement and mercy upon. Im with that.

And Im with you. U with me?

Of course, I cannot do all that I have to do alone, I need to allow people into the circle of trust that I am building. And it becomes a community. There is a saying in Zulu (and I think its there in most African languages or dialects. Its also there in kiSwahili even) and I think it is taken for granted and abused at times. “umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu”.

Most people think that is just a catchy MaBrrr pop tune from the ‘80s, but that is stuff that has been around for ages. To some extent (you can argue with me here or interject) it means the humanity in us brings us into the community of our peers, our friends and our loved ones.

I believe in people, I am one of those “save the earth”, “tree-huggers” that believe in “climate change” and will always vote for the “green party” at elections, any elections. Even at SRC elections or nominations for the local chairperson of the People For The Eating of Tasty Animals Chapter. If you were green, I will vote for you.

I am that sort of dude. Which is funny, because I exercise my right to vote even when I know its a futile exercise and yet, I no longer hold any admiration for democracy you see.

I see in colour and in rhyme, and rhythm and mostly in song and in the Word. It’s not all black and white you know, the rainbow is clear in that.

That’s ideals, principles, values and morals and all that hogwash that they fed us in psychology class. It got me here I suppose, so maybe I should be thankful and not curse Nietzsche, Long, Maslow or that crazy dude Sigmund Freud that invented psychiatry.

Most importantly, I have to thank my Mother.

I digress, but the point is that, I feel more than anything else, and my decisions, my actions and opinions are based on the regard of my feelings and the regard for the feelings of others.

I consider the action first, and then I consider the probable reaction. I have Sir Isaac Newton to thank for that, his Laws of Motion. Which I have plagiarised and renamed them the “Laws of Emotion”.

If the feeling that comes with a particular action is good, then I convince myself that the action should be repeated, and I tend to enhance that and perpetuate it, rather consistently I might add. And sometimes I add some multiplication and amplification, just for ambiance.

At the same time, if a particular action, directed to me, elicits a good feeling, then I tend to want more of that feeling. I figure, if it makes me feel good, then why should I not keep receiving it?

I would be a fool to reject that goodness. To lock it away, tie a chastity belt around it, put it into a safe, build a wall around it, and put an electric fence and tying a dragon next to the gate would be insanity. You agree?

I want that feeling, and that action to be free. To feel the breeze and sweeten itself into a high chorus, accompanied by the soprano, tenor, piano, guitar, percussion, bass and drums, and all the magic that comes with the violin.

So, altogether, I think, if an action, that I perform either consciously or sub-consciously, intentionally or unintentionally, brings pleasure to someone, then I continue providing that feeling, and hope that the feeling comes back to me, in a “Boomerang” sort of way my G.

I am person, you know. Only human, don’t judge me. I like me the way that I am, and I like you for liking that, about me.

Technology bridges the distance. And gives the heart some comfort. Distance is relative or is it time that is relative? Einstein said something about that. I wasn’t listening much in Physics class then. I was busy feeling lousy about my Geography grades.

• Much love to the Flames of Christ 🔥🔥🔥.