Sometimes I wonder.
Words by Sazi Ndwandwa.
I wonder about how little things add up and how each step determines the possibilities for the next step we can take. I wonder about what makes us choose the direction in which we walk.
I marvel at the wonder of the clues around us everyday. Each day we are born and each day we sleep and in between those two fixed moments in time, is our life. I wonder at how closely our use of the daily hours reflects and predicts our use of this time between release from our mother’s wombs to the final sleep from this world.
Imagine it.
It is not uncommon that people live more when they are told they have some months to live than they did during their preceding years.
Each day is a life. At night we die and each morning we are born. We get so many opportunities to live the lives we would choose. So many are these opportunities that we take them as a given, something unimportant. We don't see their value.
I think about that and it scares me. It feels like a heavy load. On the other hand, it makes me think back each night on the day about to end. It causes me to be more aware of how I naturally use my time and, you know what? There is a lot of good that I do and that happens to me.
Each day I note the things I did and over time I am beginning to see the pattern of my life. I am able to see what I give the most time to, that which I value. And it feels good. It also makes me appreciate the little things which take 5 minutes but mean so much. I appreciate the calls I get from friends and family. And it naturally spurs me on to send out calls to those people I treasure.
I see more clearly the things I say are important but I don't spend time on. It brings me to a cross roads of honesty with myself. What it is I truly value. It makes me aware of things I avoid and the things that bring me the most pleasure and satisfaction.
I am able to get a glimpse of the story of me, but what is more, I get to see tomorrow as an opportunity to live a new life and to add to the bigger picture of my identify.
It seems so obvious now. Each day is so precious. When the days stack up, I get to learn myself. I see the things that take too much effort, that I cannot sustain and so I get to question why I think they are important. Most of the time, I find that they are not my own values.
Mainly they are fears and insecurities, external ideas of what should be done or how things should be done. It gives me the opportunity to choose anew the direction I want my life to take. It frees me from the advertisements and social pressures.
It gives me the opportunity to choose to be me because, over time, I get to see that I cannot sustain trying to be anything other than myself. All that does is to frustrate and rob me of my peace.
Track the days. Value them as new beginnings. What you would want to be true of your life, make true of the day. And then enjoy the show that is you. Chances are, you will be pleasantly surprised by the amount of good you put into each day.
Chances are you will decide to do just one thing differently tomorrow. By and by, I hope you are able to see how wonderful and capable you are and you will enjoy being you.
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By Sazi Asanda Ndwandwa CA (SA), MPhil (Management Coaching)
