Duplicity and duality.

I had meant to write this another time. But the words are applying too much pressure for release.

I was part of a business meeting this one time a few weeks back. The one colleague had their turn for a check in, as has become the norm in the era of Covid. And this was on a Microsoft Teams call. And this time it was his turn to offer some perspective.

I want to think that he had been thinking very hard for his preparation. And what he said was very profound when he said it, and it landed on me much harder, much later, when I was thinking about it.

Basically he said you have to be one person. You have to be the same person in public, as you are in private. And you have to be the same person at work as you are at home. And you have to be the same person to your friends, to strangers and to your family.

You have to be the same person in person.

And so I positioned this statement to my friends in one of the WhatsApp groups that we have where we just shoot the breeze. One bloke, who is somewhat of a psychologist by education, offered that its practically impossible to achieve this, as each of our roles in life, and our environments, as they change, require different things of us.

And his thesis in rebuttal was thus that we have to project different personalities, and perhaps different personas at different times. I didnt want to dispute his view, but I considered it completely contra, and I internally agreed with the earlier leadership of thought.

Also because I am drawn towards the concept of authenticity. So I was having an inside rebellion of thoughts when I was thinking what my pseudo-psychologist friend was suggesting. But I didnt interrupt his dabble.

I think if you change, and you chameleon around as the day goes, then you cant be trusted. And being authentic flows into integrity and consistency. Because I think you become what you think, of yourself.

So if you change according to your surroundings, people around may not know who you really are, and will struggle to believe you, and in you. Because we wont know if you are indeed genuine, in what you say and what you do.

A rose by any other name..?

I am now more careful what I say. And what I do. Because words carry further distance than actions. Although actions have immediate impact.

And promises have to be kept, and commitments have to be fulfilled, and you have to be selective, yet consistent about your words, words to build, words to care for, and words to grow, and sometimes to discipline and guide.

I am mindful that appearances must be kept just as honest.

But yes, I realise that it requires an inner consciousness. And that we may fail in achieving this level of excitement for the atoms that project our authenticity. And it may take time, and some introspection.

But I think thats best.

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The rebuttal from the pseudo-psychologist

The pseudo-psychologist did not by any means dispute what you and the learned leadership said about authenticity and being one person all the time.

The point of departure was that your one person personality is socially constructed as no personality exists in a vacuum. An example is, you can describe yourself as a person of INTEGRITY in relation to others and the environment. If you were alone in a desert island and you say to yourself you were a person of INTEGRITY that would ring hollow.

So you most probably remain the same person with stable traits throughout different environments and social contexts, but its the environment and the social context that gives you different personalities.

An example again, is you might have your philosophy about money that you apply consistently throughout different contexts and environments. But in some contexts, you will be labeled tight fisted, in some generous, in some inconsiderate, in some hard hearted, in some caring and compassionate.

But you are still the same person with the same philosophy applied consistently. I hope you get my drift now?

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A business executive view

I wouldnt say I am different people. But the different environments certainly take out a different side of me.

Its still me- its just that that particular colour within me comes out when the situation requires it.

For example my kids dont require me to be an executive everyday, until they require me to teach them- then the executive side of me comes out and they will see because that serious teaching side of me is required.

Ok yeah, I agree that my core values are still the same. I dont become an Atheist when Im at the office and a Christian at home for example, lol.

Personality is defined as the characteristic sets of behaviors, cognitions, and emotional patterns that evolve from biological and environmental factors.

While there is no generally agreed upon definition of personality, most theories focus on motivation and psychological interactions with one’s environment.

If your emotional patterns evolve based on the environment you are in- does that not then imply that your "personality" changes and is impacted by where and with whom you are with?

Not just your emotional pattern but your behaviour as well.

Me: But wouldn’t you say that one’s behaviour/reaction would be expected/pre-determined because of their exact personality? Like, the personality type explains what the person does, from situation to situation? No?

So if something out of the ordinary happens and we find out that you killed that someone, do we say, aargh, we always knew she was a serial killer 🤭

You dont know me as a violent person right? in your words you’d probably say "Its not in her personality".

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Agreement.

Yes I remember this conversation quite vividly. It’s true your personality should not change but it is harder to maintain it throughout all your conversations with different people.

Certain personalities bring out a different you. But to your point, I think there should be core traits that should transcend in your every interaction e.g. trustworthy, respectful, and protecting promises etc.

Good article bafo. It makes one introspect and be mindful of the message you send out and what it does to your personal brand.

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An MPhil view.

Hahahaha! I simply agree with your views on this one, sir.

My reasons may not all be the same, but I think that you bring a lot of injury to yourself, your people and yourself probably (through this devaluation of self that I see it as), and society at large.

Is it really true that you can be different people according to the situation and company you are in? I think you are you, all the time. Somehow you feel that who you are is not good enough in certain scenarios. In this way, I see that you underestimate your value.

Sometimes it may be that you are trying to fit into environments and relationships that do not suit you?

So you put your "best foot forward". Problem is, you have to maintain this act. If you succeed, you cannot be happy not being able to express your true self. Chances are, though, you will fail and the mask will slip, and you will be found out.

If you are married, thats false advertising, right? The other person married someone they didnt know.

In the end, you devalue yourself and this is a symptom of a deep and core belief about your value and worth. It is a deep disloyalty to your talents, pedigree and identify. You rob yourself and those around you of the unique experience that is you.

Instead you give us a cheap duplicate of a mashup of other people because you have the mistaken notion that some human beings are superior to you. Or that you have to adjust yourself to certain situations.

I think that it is the other way around. You are an unstoppable force and who you are is an immovable object. Life and circumstance must adjust to you. Not the other way around.

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An African scholar’s view.

Hahaha, very nice arguments. I would say that knowledge of self is what ultimately matters. And from an African philosophical perspective, that is acquired through a knowledge of one’s Ancestors and through the cultivation of good character.

Outside of that, the African lives in a hostile world so showing one’s "true self" at all times is probably not a good idea. Even our conquerors tried to trick us for centuries, alongside their use of lethal military power.

As such, as a survival mechanism in the world, Africans are forced to practice the art of dissimulation, of camouflage, and so in the words of Édouard Glissant, the Martinican philosopher, Global Africans (aka Black people) have "the right to opacity".

That is, the right to not say everything. Even after achieving some measure of victory, this is still important, as we can see that powerful nations don’t expose their true intentions because they know that they have rivals in the world.

Having said all that, this behaviour has to be deliberate, and we should never lose ourselves in the process. That would sum up my general view.

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